A Letter to Me at 17

It’s been a little over a year since I picked up everything I own and moved across the country. And what a year it’s been. It feels like I’ve been living on the West Coast forever but at the same time, it feels like I just got here. A lot of people thought I was crazy to leave my very secure job in NY for the unknown, but I try not to look at things that way. I try to look at things as new adventures. Otherwise, I would be paralyzed from ever taking a chance on anything and that’s not really living. 

Now, I didn’t move out here with absolutely no plan. I had money saved, an apartment lined up, and my plan was to study for the California Bar Exam and look for jobs. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before, but by day, I’m an attorney. I got lucky and got a job at a law firm here in San Diego prior to taking the Bar and then got even luckier and passed! 

When I first moved to San Diego it was a difficult adjustment. Now, you may be saying, But Erin it’s San Diego! How could it be difficult to adjust to San Diego?! Well, for a girl from New York, it was. I didn’t have many friends and I didn’t have a car for the first few months. Which, if you’ve ever been you California you know a car is like a 5th limb. Plus, I was studying for the Bar so I was just this great big ball of stress which is never good for adjustment purposes. 

But things got better. Like, WAY better. I made so many new friends, got my puppy, bought my Mini Cooper, and really settled into life here. There were hiccups along the way but all in all, it’s been a great experience. I’ve learned so much about myself and what I want for my life over this year and the years leading up to it but it’s ironic how your priorities change and how where you think you will be winds up changing a million times over.

So I thought what better way to recognize how far I’ve come (and how far I have to go) than writing a letter to me, 10 years ago.

Hey there Kid,

How are you? Stressing over that AP Physics exam? Seriously, stop worrying about it. It will all work out I promise. Trust me you’re going to need your energy to stress out over real things like student loans and rent payments later on.

And slow the F**K down. You’re going to burn out if you keep up this hyper-speed routine you’ve got going on. I know everyone is telling you that it’s necessary, that all of these things will get you into college and set you up for success later on in life but I hate to break it to you, they won’t. Being the Captain or President of every club and team will only serve to drive you insane. Take a breath, watch a movie, go ice skating, the rest can wait. 

You’re going to learn some lessons the hard way in life. It’s the only way it will get through your thick skull. And, it will suck. Big time. You won’t know when the trains of reality and responsibility will come barreling down the track trapping you in the middle and you will feel like there is no way out. But I’m here to tell you, when that happens, look up. There is always a way out. It might not be an easy way out but it’s there. Trust in your ability to climb, it’s what you’ve always been good at.

Stop obsessing over the way you look. You will waste years of your life comparing yourself to other people in more ways than one. But, the one that will influence you the most is the way you compare yourself physically. Despite what you think, it’s not a competition. There will always be someone skinnier, or prettier, or with blonder hair, and bluer eyes. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t beautiful just the way you are. And, you’re not fat. Trust me. When you’re 27 you’re going to wish you had the body and metabolism you had at 17. So eat the freaking cupcake, it won’t kill you.

Continue to be kind. People will take advantage of you. Friends will hurt you. Boys will hurt you more. And, you will hurt other people, even if unintentionally, and that will hurt you too. But through it all, there is never a reason to be mean to others. You may not be responsible for how you feel but you are always responsible for the way you act. You will find that kindness is the only commodity in this world that really matters. You will meet beautiful people, rich people, successful people, vapid people, smart people, entitled people, funny people, and many other types of people, but the only ones who should impress you and who you should look up to are those who are also kind.

That quote from your favorite movie really is true, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.” But, you will have more good times than bad. More happy times than sad. You will feel lonely, but know that everyone does at some point just don’t let it consume you. You’ll meet amazing people who will stay in your life forever and some wonderful people who are only meant to be there for a short time. Don’t let this upset you. 

You will find someone who loves you and who you love back just as much but you shouldn’t be worried about this. Worry about loving yourself. That comes before everything else. Don’t think you’re being selfish, you can’t possibly take care of anyone else before you take care of yourself. This is a lesson you’re still trying to learn, but hey, you’re working on it.

Never stop learning. You still have so many lessons to learn at 27. You don’t have it all figured out quite yet but maybe the point is that you never really do “figure it out.”  Life is about learning and growing so just embrace it and stop thinking that it makes you weak.

Most importantly, know that even though you may not be exactly where you thought you would be in life, you’re where you need to be. And, you’re happy.

Love always,

You